Self-Compassion Tips for Mom Guilt
Becoming a new mom is a significant life transformation. Starting with pregnancy, there are many decisions to make about your care and your baby’s health & well-being, all of which can cause anxiety, stress, and unfortunately, “mom guilt”. Mom guilt is the feeling that you are falling short in your role as a mom, not doing “enough” for your child, or not making the “right” decisions for your child. While some guilt is normal, as it can be an indicator of how much you love your kids and want what is best for them, when the guilt starts to feel overwhelming or affects your self-esteem, it can lead to unhealthy behaviors and have a negative impact on your mental health.
Mom guilt and working mom stress can arise from feelings of inadequacy, especially if you find yourself comparing your journey to someone else’s. You may have chosen not to breastfeed and immediately feel guilty when a friend talks about how she is still nursing her 18-month-old daughter. If you decide to go back to work after your maternity leave, you may feel ashamed about putting your child in daycare. Or, if you decide to stay home, you may feel guilty about not setting a good example for your kids. See how quickly the working mom guilt can pile up?
You’re not alone in feeling guilt, stress, and anxiety?
It’s important to recognize that you are not alone if you are experiencing mom guilt. It happens to all moms, whether you are a mom of three kids or one, whether you are a single mom or have a partner or whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a CEO of a successful company. Feeling mom's guilt every now and then is going to happen, but it’s important to have strategies in place to help you manage those feelings.
Here are 5 tips to help you practice self-compassion to ease the mom guilt you may be feeling:
Practice Forgiveness:
Don’t sweat the small stuff, we’ve all heard that right? So much of what happens in our life is out of our control. Even if we try to meticulously plan each day for our kids, we can’t control the weather, your child’s emotions, or the traffic on the road. Trust your intuition and let it guide you in your decisions. You are a great mom and you know what is best for your children. Forgive yourself for the times you lose your temper, or the times you let your children watch a movie so you can get a break. You deserve a break and you deserve to forgive yourself because at the end of the day, you’ve done the best you can and that is enough.
Engage In Self-Care Practices:
Taking care of yourself is never something to feel guilty about. You deserve to have time away from your kids in order to recharge. Whether it’s a yoga class, a night out with friends, or a weekend getaway with your spouse. Scheduling downtime and engaging in self-care practices are very beneficial for your mental health.
Delegate Some of the Responsibilities:
Working mom stress and Mom's guilt can arise if you are struggling to balance all of your roles and responsibilities. Trying to “do it all” on your own will lead to burnout. If you have a partner, have a talk with them about how you are feeling and what tasks you can delegate to them. Our clinical director, Dr. Zoe Rapoport was a guest expert on the Post Natal Fitness Hub and gave some great examples of how to start setting boundaries and delegating tasks to your partner. For example, you could take turns taking the baby to their medical appointments, or have scheduled days of the week where you each cook dinner.
Recognize Triggers and Plan Ahead:
Take some time to reflect and think about what triggers you to feel guilty. Is it when you scroll social media and see posts about moms getting their babies to sleep through the night when your baby is up every two hours? Is it your mother-in-law making comments about how rewarding it was to be a stay-at-home mom as you’re leaving the house to get to work? While we can’t always avoid triggers, we can plan for them. Set limits on social media apps on your phone, so you can still check in with friends but don’t wind up mindlessly scrolling. If there is a particular person in your life that triggers you, plan ahead and practice what you can say to them ahead of time. Try to minimize contact with people who are negative about your parenting styles and instead, connect with others who are supportive of your choices.
Talk to a Professional:
If the mom's guilt and working mom stress feel impossible to manage and you find yourself feeling isolated, anxious, or depressed, you may benefit from therapy with a mental health professional. As a new mom, you may also be experiencing postpartum depression. A therapist for moms and professionals can help you identify triggers and come up with an action plan to manage your mom's guilt.
Begin Therapy for Working Mom Stress and Mom Guilt in New York, NY!
And do so in ways that feel comfortable for you. RPS in Manhattan offers both in-person and online therapy in New York City, NY so you can receive support from the comfort of your home.
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Other Services at Rapoport Psychological Services
We are held to such high standards in life. That can lead to anxiety, depression, trauma, stress, burnout, and more. It’s time to rewrite your narrative and become your authentic self. If you need support, we offer therapy for women, but we can help you with specific mental health issues. Additional services we provide include depression treatment, anxiety treatment, PTSD treatment and trauma therapy, testing services for ADHD, including adult ADHD and child ADHD, online therapy for moms, Coaching with Dr. Zoe, professional development, and group therapy. Lastly, we offer workshops on women’s empowerment, grief, mindfulness, and stress management. We really look forward to walking alongside you and hope you will take the next step and begin in-person or online therapy in New York!