A Guide to Social Media Use and Negative Social Comparison
We all compare ourselves to others. The fact of the matter is that self-esteem and social media go hand in hand.
We’re curious - about what our friends are planning for their next vacation, Or, what personal or professional milestones they’re hitting. Even what shows they’re watching on Netflix - so that we can reassess our own wants, interests, or plans.
Staying connected to what others we value are doing helps us to form our own interests, take pride in our accomplishments, and challenge ourselves to make new goals.
Social media is a powerful tool for social comparison.
We have instant access not only to the lives of our closest family and friends, but also to those of celebrities, influencers, and other important public figures. Sometimes, scrolling through social media might build excitement for the future. It can provide curiosity about a new perspective. Or even connections and resources that help us achieve our goals.
Unfortunately, it is also common for Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and other social media platforms to make us feel left out, unaccomplished, or unwanted. Sometimes, using social media feels like we’re stuck on a treadmill of social comparison. We are unable to catch up and be as happy, connected, or accomplished as others we see online. Trust us, know-how impacts self-esteem and social media can be in the age of comparison.
How Does Comparison Impact Self-Esteem and Social Media?
Social comparison, by itself, isn’t inherently a bad thing. We all are influenced by our context and use social comparison to develop our interests, identity, and sense of self.
The social comparison might grant us access to resources, connections, or strategies we see others using that would help us reach our goals. By comparing ourselves to others, we might feel more motivated or encouraged to work through tough situations knowing that we’re not alone.
When we evaluate ourselves by comparing our thoughts, feelings, or achievements with those of others we see online, however, the impacts are often less positive. Social comparison becomes negative when we repeatedly compare ourselves to unrealistic online content.
Negative Self-Esteem and Social Media Overtime Can Affect Your Well-Being
Over time, negative social comparisons can build up to seriously impact our mental health and wellbeing. By comparing ourselves negatively with others online, studies suggest that we’re opening ourselves up to developing:
Critical self-talk
Lowered self-esteem
Disrupted sleeping patterns
Higher rates of anxiety, depression, loneliness, and disordered eating behaviors.
How do I protect my mental health online?
If these experiences sound familiar, know that you’re not alone. Here are three strategies to help you manage the negative effects of social comparison:
Ground yourself.
Recognize that the way people post about and present themselves online isn’t a full or realistic picture of their lives. We all harbor different views of ourselves:
the actual self (who we think we are)
the ideal self (who we want to be)
and the should self (who we think we should be to fit in).
When we scroll online, we’re comparing our imperfect, actual self with carefully curated content of others’ “ideal” and “should” selves.
We only see a sliver of the highlight reel that content creators choose to share with us, which is not representative of what their actual lives are like, to make us want what they have.
It is important to ground yourself by remembering and reminding yourself that social media is designed as a platform for advertising and sales.
Remember…
Social comparison is a psychological process that motivates us and redefines our wants and goals, right? Influencers may use negative social comparisons to motivate us to buy new products or to support their brand.
When social media posts are reframed as subtle advertisements, it can help to remind us that we’re absorbing curated content rather than true snapshots of someone else's life.
Focus on the positive.
Prioritize time in your routine for acts of gratitude. Humans are neurologically wired for a negativity bias. Focusing our attention and memory on negative feelings or experiences, historically speaking, has helped us adapt and survive as a species.
Because of our focus on negativity, studies have shown that it takes six (6!) positive thoughts to undo the weight of one negative one.
To counteract negative thoughts about ourselves from social comparison, build time into your weekly routine for self-positivity and gratitude. To start, try these activities:
Write positive affirmations on sticky notes and leave them in high-traffic areas in your home.
Make a list of three things you’re proud of yourself for each day.
Journal about experiences or things you have in your life that you are grateful for.
Intentionally building time to focus on the positive instead of the negative fights our innate need to be on the lookout for dangers to stress over.
Take a break.
Consider setting new boundaries with yourself about your social media use. If you know that you’re particularly sensitive to the influence of negative social comparison through social media around particular holidays, during anniversaries of break-ups or loss, or other triggers, it can be ok to take a social media break.
You may benefit from turning off push notifications so that you can engage with social media content in your own time and on your terms.
Adjusting these boundaries is particularly effective in short-term bursts when you’re feeling particularly vulnerable to negative social evaluation, like after a break-up.
Finding balance with self-esteem and social media
In the long term, it can be unrealistic to fully step back from social media use. We live in a world where many use social media to run their small businesses, to attend church, to find support groups, or to connect with friends and family safely through the pandemic.
If distancing yourself from social media use doesn’t fit within your goals or regular routine, consider working with an online therapist in New York to develop additional resilience strategies to protect your self-esteem and maintain your overall mental health and wellness.
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Other Services at Rapoport Psychological Services
We are held to such high standards in life. That can lead to anxiety, depression, trauma, stress, burnout, and more. It’s time to rewrite your narrative and become your authentic self. If you need support, we offer therapy for women, but we can help you with specific mental health issues. Additional services we provide include depression treatment, anxiety treatment, PTSD treatment, trauma therapy, Coaching with Dr. Zoe, testing services for ADHD, professional development, therapy for new moms, life transitions, and group therapy. Lastly, we offer workshops on women’s empowerment, grief, mindfulness, and stress management. We really look forward to walking alongside you and hope you will take the next step and begin in-person or online therapy in New York!